From the bottom of my heart I write to you, with my up lifted spirit I endorse you again again this season. You all deserve my endowment apples of Kings eye. I should've  asked some of you not to read this post, especially the mummies amongst you still bearing the title- lady, just to deceive them the 'decievables', because I will be writing to your Lesotho, Brothels and joint camps soon, so don't stress your selves reading this. Look up in dictionary and see the difference; ladies and mama(s) till I come. 

To you ladies, to you slay queen and to you half baked city girls who thinks having such round heep and such pointed breast is a sure bet to that much desired land, its never so, character and attitude are the criteria for judging such heavenly endorsement on you.

Just few weeks a head, your parents will be bundling you down to your various villages for a nice catch, do not disregard their efforts, they wanted the best for you. We all knew you came from the cities and don't cement their submissions that yes city girls are not good wife material. Don't let your feministic stance to rob you this chance, after all Buchi emechete and chimamanda N. Adichie all hooked a man, yet they are strong figures when you speak of feminism.

 Don't go home to show you sharpened mouth and insult every village girl that you feels doesn't reach your standard, rather make them friends, their brothers abroad must get wife through their own help. If they see you as over big, my sister sorry, accident is inevitable.

It is never hidden that you have curvy body, white thighs, figure eight basement and others. We knew that, after all we are all residing in city with you( anyi ma ndi bu ndi, runs G, Bae, pepper dem gang). We knew you can go topless and downless through the streets of bariga, iweka, oshodi, and Zuma, but know it that mama will never allow your prospect husband to marry a prostitute, because every half dressed lady is a prostitute and can easily do stabbing stuffs when engaged. She don't need a shameless and proud nudist.

 Don't dress nude even if your lover loves it,( he actually love you when you have prestig) try to dance into her mothers view, she must ask him ' what are your plans with chioma, nna'. Dress moderate, and look nice. She rather soak her chaplet in water and pray 'NNE anyi di aso no na oru' ( our holy mother is in work) and fight you to a standstill. She will start novena and book masses for you not to enter her house and if you forced your self in, you will have a charted marriage. Better single than a charted union, so be wise.

We are aware you went to Queen Elizabeth founded British school, and your prowess in English culture, inestimable, yet know that you are coming to stay with market women and farmers who don't care to what you have to tell them you can do but what they can see you are made off. Don't ever try to say 'Hi mama' rather say "Good morning mama, ututu oma". She will be happy yes this girl is well bred, and she can speak our language. I wish she will marry son.  I'm not inviting papas opinion in this article because they are don't see from mama's careful view, is one by him if your boo says OK. once you clash with his mother, you will never be happy even if the son marries you out of her assent.

Don't say 'Ben, I have not fetched water for the first time' I knew that such word is never in your dictionary, because you grew up in a castle, but am happy since you knew the word fetch, your problem is minimal, a day is OK to cleanse you of such threat.

By going out with village girls to stream, you get to love it more than them. I knew you love swimming much but can never near that dirty iyi enu river. Asks your elders of iyienu, they will assure you that  Iyienu's Spirogyra had never killed before may and you can't be its first victim, God forbid. Go out and market your beauty, you're much hidden in that city. Your husband is dying out there searching for you. Show them that city ladies are well bred, change their thinking and show them that you can make a good home. Yo will see Mama okezie, that woman selling Anu okpoo, and bear will come to your house to say " NNE kee ka imere. Please I want to send messages to Okezie in abroad, can you send it with your phone? " She doesn't need that, she just want you to start speaking with Okezie and he must begin telling Okezie both the truth and not truth qualities of you just for Okezie to marry you.

Do go to carnivals and fields, don't hide in your mother's kitchen,  guys comes there to search wife, but don't let any one dupe you. If he said I love your booty and so On, that's normal but don't fall for such petty deceivers, he only love a twisted shape not you. Fall for a husband not a twisted shape lover. If he need a twisted shape, direct him to Awka or Igbo, blacksmith and carpenters there has varieties of them to sell.

Unequivocally speaking, we knew you're a lawyer and debates much. Don't do it this time around. Don't argue  much with old women, rather hear their stories and gain wisdom. They loves women who can obey their sons, a submissive wife.

We knew you're a world class dancer and can only appear on stage. I will never forgive you if I don't come your traditional marriages after January. Dance the hell out of devil. Dance the hell out those witches wey say you no go answer Mrs. Show them you get it, you have it, no shy at all, market your self. Men comes Xmas to find wife not just to drink.

How I wish you can reduce your artificial life. Mana let me not advice you much on this, I knew a word is enough for you or you join association of slay mamas.

And finally but never the least Ben could say, dear ladies, queens (slay and non slay) is be conscious of your character and attitudes. There is an Igbo adage that says *Agwa bu mma nwanyi* ( character is the beauty of a woman). Many of you have fasted for this season, many had gone so far in prayers and charity work, many of you have invested so much money in your selves for this season. Sell your market well, don't sell it cheap at all, every good merchant loves and goes for quality and costly goods 👩🏻  Don't let your parents down. Don't make them say is there a curse following this house? Do not let them go to ministries after January dashing out money to the pull pit in other for you to enter. 

I must stage I a riot against you if I don't see your bridal photos soon

I hope no one from Association of slay mamas (AOSM), read this letter.

Let me stop now, because I have appointment with the newly appointed IMO state commissioner for happiness and couples fulfillment, to ask her what she did that made my Governor my governor give her such genuine post

  You can now head straight to Mrs ololo of IMO state to get fulfilment informations after your wedding. It's time I continue my lobby for the commissioner of Status and measurements.

*Still me Ben*, arrested in suspense waiting for the joyful moments of this season; especially where we- the akpankwus will show our skills in biting, drinking and chewing, and there after proof that we saw the ring enter her finger. Oh yes, We were there when it happened!